Today....ah...lets just say my emotional side was not being too appreciative to the other few sides of myself. To put it blatantly, it has an immense dislike towards me. Yes, it is only the problem of that particular side, because my random side and rational side are conscious and are trying hard to shut her up lol

The thing is, since two years ago my mind won't stop reminding myself about almost everything for any given time I am trying to think. Thanks to that, my head is always filled with jumbled up thoughts about random insignificant or unimportant stuff which highly affects attention and thinking efficiency.

Nothing can go on without being uninterrupted and nothing can go in order. Right now in the inconsistent mind you can find bananas, drama, self-blaming, irresponsible thoughts, food, rational thinking, dances, drawings, kpop, unicorns and on and on and on. Its giving me and my grades a very very hard time now.

 And now its trying to blame it on people i know whom i shouldn't blame on because irresponsibility is bad and the problem that i can't think straight is still not solved and i should be doing my homework because if i shouldn't my mom would be even more mad than the teachers who don't really see a problem with it but there's the problem lies even though i know it is actually my problem that i wouldn't want to admit but its so depressing that these thoughts bombard continuously that i should try ending it right here. There.

There are still so many things that i want and wish to do, but all that my mother forbids for the sake of my grades and my future. Not that its bad because I tend to do a freaking lot of irrelevant stuff instead of what I should be doing, which believe it or not has been going on for years. But thinking about that future coming my way at light speed, I can't help but imagining that I'll be stuck in an ice-cold cubicle typing away the whole day and returning home tired and depressed just to be knocked out by sleep, and waking up the next day just to rinse and repeat. Then I'll get so horrendously fat that my mom wouldn't recognize me when i get the rare chance to go home during weekends. The only 0.001 chance of getting more free time and money is to study very hard by sacrificing what makes me feel alive. The thought of that is so damn depressing. Why the hell won't my optimism work at times like this?

Raaaaaaaaawr. Go away all you evil thoughts!! \(>3<)/

Gaah.

So the thing this time is. My friends have the thought of cosplaying at school for the co-curriculum day because since we are the Art Club, it would be a very fun way to be walking posters for our club. (I have dance performance that night too.) I was reluctant about the cosplaying at first because of the time and cost we needed to invest in the middle of study, but my friends were excited about it. Half  of the art club committee were not really Japan-ifans though, so I asked if some other friends would play along. With that some other closer friends were delighted at the idea too, which made me so happy, since i get to try my first time cosplaying with geeks as crazy as myself!! ...we made a lot of plans on where to get materials and printed reference pictures for making the costumes....

...until I told my mom, who wholly agrees with my rational thinking. End of happy story. Now I just have to apologize to everyone for giving them false hope of playing together, and cancel every promise and appointment made.

On the bright side, there's less of the hassle and I get to study more, which now seems to be an all-kill option designed to shoot me down from cloud nine without fail every single freaking time, as beneficial as it is. I really don't want to hate studying. Because I love studying too.

xxx

Somehow lately I have the constant feeling that everyone dislikes me. They seem to find me annoying or so much a douche but will not say it because of the usual politeness. As much as I'm afraid of being scolded, I'd rather to have them swear in my face every time they feel like it instead of being nice to me 24/7. To put it bluntly, by being nice they make me feel like a bad person and do not deserve all the good they offer.

vvvvvvvv


Enough of the bad side, now for accomplishments!

1--I finally had the courage to converse decently with my teacher, in English!! Hooray!! Oh dear pineapples I've should have tried doing that years ago zzzz

2--I got cool grades for this time's exam!! (because I am certain that they do not certify as "good" grades lol)

I scored A's for half of the subjects and failed the other half!! How cool is that??!

Well, actually only 75% and above qualifies as A's but I got 74% for freaking THREE subjects (oh the ironies) so i decided to consider them as As. AYEs. *continues to deceive herself*

3--And I finally succeeded to hand up a Chinese essay on time!! Yays!! (Well, not that I haven't done that before, but succeeding in handing up 1/5 essays that the teacher assigns is not that bad either, no? since my classmates never even acknowledge the existence of essay homework...)

4-- Oh and I had enough sleep yesterday!! no more feeling narcoleptic! Good for me!!

Achievements achievements kekekkeekeee
Gotta keep them up! x)