What the hell has happened? (warning!!profuse self rant!!)

Mom says we're addicted to computers lol. Somehow it is funny to my ears but its also true. With three computers in the house currently, we kids in the house has one each while dad and mom are busy xDD

To my brothers, it might just be games and all, but to me, its just another form of escapism, and since i am addicted to that too so being glued to the computer ain't too abnormal either, no? 5++ hours on the computer is just killing my eyesight but it makes me much, MUCH happier than having all sorts of obsessive worrying in my brain (not that its very bad to worry).

*starts self talk and rant*

And yes, though i claim that i am much less depressed than i was long ago, it actually just got alot more worse. It seems better now because, at least  i am able to get all happy and excited instead of the daily moody-moody-sad back then.

I am hardly sure about anything happens in life now, except one thing. I owe most of this happiness to dancing and Kpop. This is why i will never forget and will always support my first bias group, SHINee and my current bias group SuJu <3

but at its core, of course, nothing would have happened without our lovely parents. they provided everything. We owe our whole life to them. I am forever grateful to my parents.  It is so, so wrong that i take everything they offer for granted and  want anything more from them . But if i don't take from them, who else can i go to?

Ihavsomanythingthatiwanttotellmyparentsaboutbutsomehowicouldn't... theymightnotthinkthatmyproblemsareaproblemsincetheyhavenottheproblembefore and imightbethinkingtoomuchthatproblemswhichdoesn'texistbecomesaproblem orz

i so fooking fail at communicating T,T

i actually got through this year without really talking to more than five people from my class if you can believe  it. people, especially loud ones intimidate me T.T but anyhow i feel so sorry to everyone i know... i ignore people too much... i don't care when i should... i ... i am too self absorbed.

i am aware that i talk about myself too much at a non-stop interval but somehow i feel the need to drain out everything in know somehow because it feels so horrible with all these thought tornadoes in my mind i have to get them all out somehow and oh the hell i'm getting so annoyingly redundant why the hell i am like this but its okay because its a form of self-growth right? RIGHT???? okay i should stop now ><

*ends rant*

I am really really confused and unsure what will I become if things goes on as it is now. The year end holidays will end in another week and it'll be the final year of secondary school... which means there will be a huge exam that will have a 50% chance of determining my future and i am not ready for either of those happening yet ><

i always thought that i have infinite youth lol really can't believe that its coming to an end so fast!!! just three more years, man!! I don't wan't to frickin get old yeeettttt ~ let me be a kiddy forever ~~~T.T