Oooh damn you sicknessss

I got struck by my stupid recurring sickness agaaiiin T.T dammitt

Freezing hands, cold feet,
Burning eyes, scorching throat,
Spinning head, itching insides,
and even horribly bitter saliva. How good is that.

It usually worsens by the day, worst during evenings, and usually heals the next day...

But I've been sick for three days already. Oh dears. And my head still hurts T.T
xxx

A few days ago I had this sudden craving to blog during the midnight, but my dad scolded me to sleep since I have to wake up at 6am for school the next morning =3= still my fault since I always complain of being sleep deprived orz . so no blogging for that day.

"no worries," I thought, "I can do it tomorrow : D"

(Yet I never got the chance to use the computer a few days since lol)

Then the next day I woke up sick. Its my recurring sickness. So I'm practically dysfunctional for the day. =3= Good thing there's no assignments due tomorrow. If not it's going to be hell...

" No biggy, I'll be okay tomorrow :D " .... well it usually does. Usually.

But no : ( . Even though I feel quite okay the next morning I went all "oh shit I need to type up the script for the stupid chinese oral test..." so i woke up around 4.30 to find some information for it online ... turned on the electrical switch and POP... there goes the laptop's power supply cable, busted. OH DEAR LAPTOPPIE HOW MANY PARTS OF YOU MUST FAILLLL ToT

Nevermind then...it's not my turn for the test anyways. ;;; (yaay for procrastinationnnn xDD)

Since staying home from school is definitely not and option (nor a choice allowed by my parents) I had to endure it while feeling horrible... and its just coincidence that PE is on Fridays.

Hell, that almost killed me. I couldn't really breathe after that class, and had to take a while to catch my soul on the way back to class, outside one of the classrooms. It didn't really help when that class is occupied by a discipline teacher, in a school which loitering is strictly prohibited, and not changing back to uniforms after PE is simply not allowed. Good thing he was looking the other way. =3=

Didn't get to go home until 6pm. Gaah.

xxx

Somehow I've been very miserable the last few days. I keep feeling as if people hate me secretly. And I keep feeling guilty about everything I did, and do not deserve everything I have, and not being able to do anything about it :(

I even had slight thoughts of suicide, but then again I don't want to end up in deep hell either lol and its just downright stupid and a proof of idiocy. Can't stop thinking of the wrong things at the wrong times.... I am much stronger than that, no? People had been through worse.

They say that being happy or sad is just a matter of choice, and everything you feel is caused solely by your state of mind, which you can easily control. I strongly believe that, but I guess I just chose to be miserable for the while.

I am a sadistic brat but I know that hurting others is not right. So I ended up torturing myself, as much as I hated it.

xxx

Then I thought of making myself feel better. Whats wrong of being happy anyways? ^^ Being optimistic just needs a tiny bit of effort ~ So now I'm kinda happy already :)

Eating and sleeping along with a refreshing shower are the basics cure for sadness. Especially eating and sleeping.

But instead I just got fat lol

xxx

Watching videos like this help too =w=

Though I don't really follow their fandom, I love them^^ they always give out this happy vibe xD So damn cute!!