Everything is so epic really

Bigbang is having going to have their concert first time in Malaysia during their Alive Tour.

And I has no money nor time nor authorization nor transport.

*sobs*

I'll just have to wait for next time, whenever far away that reality may be. :/
I love them so freaking much and I'm going to love them more and more. That's a fact.

xxx

The dance competition is today, and as you can see, our participation is canceled. I bought all sorts of materials to make props and accessories just for the occasion, so they shall stay in the cabinets until crafting days come. Which is a year away. Oh well.

As disappointed as I may be, its gone. It wouldn't go well if we do participate anyways.

It's okay though, I guess, even if it may be the last chance of joining any sort of beginner-level dance competitions. Its not like I'd have the skill to compete yet either.

...

Okay I admit, I'm sad about it lol.

I bought a pretty jacket and finally got myself a hot glue gun(after years lol) during material shopping too, it does do some cure!

xxx

Also, the cancellation gave me time to end the craziness of two out of three huge project school works at once. The explanations of my absence online.

So so busy and tiring, and week without good sleep until the day before yesterday.

And there's still 100 fishies and 5+3 coloured canvas shoes and 8 full step by step process ilustrations to draw for the arts project. Due Monday.

*sobs again*

xxx

I lub being busy. It so frustrating its feels good.

xxx

I being chatting with friends at school about BJDs during Monday. And one lent me a cosplay tutorial book, with a whole chapter covering on BJDs on Wednesday. Can you believe it? The first time seeing something dolly related in real life lol.

To add on that, another friend lent me a copy of Another (anime) on the same day. Juicy horror anime, yums. To my surprise, there are dollies too!! No one could imagine how excited I was hahahahahaaaa

Overeactive oh yea.

But it couldn't be a coincidence that their opening song was sang by ALI PROJECT seriously? Because they sang for Rozen Maiden too ( FYI its an anime about BJDs too).

xxx

As a random note, something about me that people don't really know about me, and as hard as it is to admit,

I have an abnormal liking towards bunnies.

xxx

And its a seriously complete coincidence that some of my Starskull bunnies resembles B.A.P. mascots, the MATOKI or whatever you call them. Yes, its a simple design that may be done to death by anyone but I certainly did not copy. The Starskull bunny I designed during 2010.

The mascots are damn cute, of course ...Maybe make fan merchandise for them? Is it legal to do that?

xxx

...

Daesung's voice is so calming. I need more solos from him on infinite replay :'>

Incomprehensible.

What you seem to other people are how they perceive you.

Making people believe you are what you are, is much more difficult, needs more effort.

Although not impossible, its not easy to keep up an image you WANT others to see.

The best and easiest thing to do is to be your true, natural self.

The most important is how you perceive yourself, what you believe you can do.

Because you can not, change their opinion about you, just what you think about yourself.

But the good thing is, they can't change how you appear to your own self.

Unless you let them to.

==

Sometimes people don't think the world is perfect as it is.

It is perfect, just not in the way we think of it.

It is never perfect for one unless its done HIS way.

Therefore they make alterations, corrections, changes, etc.

To fulfill their 'standards'.

Because humans are selfish.

We want control.

We want credit.



Humans want to be superior.

Too much to notice that they are an embodiment of destruction themselves.

Things are perfect as it is.

Flaws are what humans create.

Because we are the only beings who think we can see the problem,

and its bad that we think we can solve it.

Worse is that we only THINK we can solve it.



The world was perfect as it is.

Just flawed in a way that we don't think it is.

But who said perfection, is the best?



As far as nature is concerned,

the only thing to do is survive.

To top the pyramid,

to be the strongest.



But does anyone remember?

That we cannot survive by ourselves?

When the desire to surpass,

destroys the existence of those below.

Until we know it,

there's nothing below anymore.

Nothing to feed on,

nothing to support us.

What's the use of being on top of the stack,

when the stack is not even there anymore?



Do you remember, to care?

About everything,

all those around,

even those who are weaker,

....

do we all remember?

That we are all but one ?



The chain is as weak as its weakest link.

We are still really, really weak.

Destroying the weak link wouldn't work,

as a shorter chain will be of no use.



So care, take care,

all you that are still conscious and educated.

Always remember that everything is one.

Don't ever harm those who doesn't harm,

just for your own good.



A grasping hand will have only whats in it.

An open hand holds everything.

============================================================================================================================================================================================================================

Oh dears, my mind is trolling me again...please take this with a cup of salt... @@

Tuition, Usual student life, Oppas, and Dollies

So i've signed up to two more tuition classes. Which means I have to stay at the tuition centre for three and a half hours straight every Saturday and Sunday. Great.

Well its not that bad actually. And with extra study reinforcements means less need to study during free time for me yaays

The first class today was Chemistry, and its quite amusing that the teacher calls every student her "darlings". Its quite a surprise to see so many friends I knew in that class, since I only knew one of my classmates attend it, and the other classes I took had not a single person familiar... I was happy that I can meet some of my classmates from primary school(who are also fellow ELFs ) but the fact that the subject and syllabus is confusing took part of the excitement away. And that fact that a class for additional math is scheduled right after that means no chance to chat up with them : /


On a side note, i seem to be more a VIP than an ELF lately, and Bigbang's playlist is on constant replay. As of current, BB posters on the wall outnumber Suju, phone and laptop wallpapers, profile pictures, avatars, fb cover photos are all Bigbangggg~

To my lovely RL ELF friends:
I'm waiting for suju's comeback with their sixth album too...I can't say I don't love SJ or BB so please dears please don't make me feel guilty TwT I love both groups and can't live without them both, voting for the other doesn't make me unloyal okay?

xxx


Anyways, for these few days I had this unreasonable craving to sculpt and create yet another BJD. Yes, I am totally aware that my first daughter is still unfinished and shelved but it takes more time and brain grilling to repair her than making a new doll IMO. Or at least for now.

Then as the crave grows the extra time and peace I have from staying at my cousin's house(they will be outstation for a few days) came to be invested in drawing plans for new doll designs and daydreaming about the production process. As of currently, I had two lines of dolls designed!! In a total of six dolls of varying body size. I'd like to show the plans but it should be kept as a business secret for now : D

I DO have the intent of selling dolls I made myself and I am serious when I say I dream to be a toy designer hahaha. To design collectibles and amusing toys for the mature population, or whatever they should be properly called (because we all know the term 'adult toys' sounds horribly wrong).

So during the three months of waiting for the finals results, I will bring these darlings to life, and hopefully to production.

Though the materials for BJDs are usually resin, I might opt for a cheaper, more affordable material (possibly vinyl) for them. Do my best to earn them a place higher than those bobble-headed Pullips and Blythes (no offense, they're lovable).And maybe make them into something like Gundam kits, to let people assemble them with their own hands and risk getting bootlegged .

There are even plans to sculpt heads resembling our handsome oppas. I have a list of those ulzzangs ready too.

But as for now I hadn't really any materials or money anyways so in the midst of desire there came this idea of making something for someone, and satisfying myself in the process, so I offered my manga class sensei a commission, to make him a personal customized OOAK BJD of one of his own characters ^^

On a discount so big that he'll just have to pay for clay since its primarily to settle my 'unease', to hone some skills in sculpting, and also to fulfill some other desires, like feeding my dA account a decent Deviation. It's some sort of kick start for my dolly empire too! Of course I'll do my best job at it.

Such nice for my brain to think of such a good idea which makes everyone happy. I am in unexplainable ecstasy now : >

...Okay maybe not my loving parents who notice I'm not studying hard enough.

I promise to study really hard everyday so not to jeopardize my studies, and for the sake of not feeling guilty while sculpting, and make it the recreation time I earned through being a hardworking student for the week!! Fighting!!

Oh and this: (warning, don't watch if you have a distaste for highly realistic dolls, or have not a stomach from the Uncanny Valley.)

Such a talented artist. Such a beautiful doll. Such great skills. Although his works creep me out at first, i'm loving them more and more now.

STILL ALIVE

I'm livin' that, I'm livin that good life--

okay maybe not really but I am still alive. But the net community had pretty much forgotten my existance, to the extent that even my internet modem thinks I'm dead lol

This might be not an official return because there's still three days left until holidays end and I'll die off again to the study corner in despair. Because the half year exam before holidays means result will come out right when school reopens. And I assure you I didn't do even a decent job at it. And--

 OH SHIT.

I TOTALLY FORGOTTEN.

HALF YEAR RESULTS = PARENTS DAY.

MY PARENTS GONNA SEE THE HORRIBLE RESULTS.

...

Can't believe I'm still here drawing out a plan for another home-made dolly when I'm supposed to write my will lol.

xxx

Dance practice for these two weeks are unprogressive. Crew members refuse to show up for practice. Choreography is unfinished. Then again we don't have the confirmation letter for the competition yet, and there's still a chance for canceling the participation for studies. 

As a leader of the dance crew, I'm a total failure. Can't believe I just wrecked another chance of performing. We haven't even done a single official performance under our crew name yet. How I wished I had started dancing since 2008. Then I'd have more chances without having the pressure of the final exams. How the hell will we get a chance of performing as a crew now? After the finals, graduation, after that we will go down our own routes and continue education and... and...

I don't want it all to end now.

....

 And it won't, because I said so.

I don't care.

Shh.

Somehow.

I feel horrible.

Again.

Can you take me somewhere I could die alone?

Without anyone caring

without anyone worrying

without anyone even knowing,

I want to disappear.

...

Its not that anyone would notice anyways.